Pasir tidak berbisik, ia menertawakan aku yang berulangkali menulis namamu, dan aku yang berharap ombak menghapusmu dari benakku.

- July 27, 2011 -

 

 monster

“Father, what do you want me to be?”

That little girl asked, smiling widely to expose her white teeth, as her cheeks turned rosy from the heat. Her big cerulean eyes gazed to the middle-aged man sitting before her, expecting an answer. Around the two of them, stood people in red and golden clothes, with lips pursed as if words could kill.

It took a few seconds before the man finally answered, “I want you to be a prince.”

The little girl’s smile faded away to an awkward grin. The man stood, leaving the dining hall as the two maidens in red and golden clothes adorn his back with red silk coat. The other servants were staring at each other nervously. They pity, pity the little princess who only wanted to make her father happy… The little princess who had not even known the difference between lavender and wisteria! However, who dare to defy the King himself? Just a mere word could get them killed, so why bother trying to save a girl’s heart? It was not going to worth the life.

“It’s better to have her heart broken than to have our heads chopped,” they believed.

It was so obvious to every single person in the castle that the King was disappointed when he found out that the Queen gave birth to a daughter. Even worse, the Queen died right afterwards. The King loved the Queen so dearly that he chose not to marry another woman. Nevertheless, he blamed the baby for everything.

Ever since the short conversation at lunch, the Princess started acting like a boy. She begged her counselor to stop teaching her stuffs that would make her a fine lady. She took archery, swordsmanship, and other lessons she knew a prince needed. She also told her lady-in-waiting to chop her golden locks down. She threw away all of her dresses, and refused to wear any kind of girl’s clothes.

However, years passed, and the Princess’ body had grown. She tried everything to reshape her body. Being a prince was all she wished for, and she thought she had succeeded. But well, who could defy fate?

Frustrated, the Princess cried in the garden. She cried for so long that the sun had set. No one bothered to find her; they were too scared of the King. When she finally stopped her tears, the moon was high. As she turned, she was surprised to find that a woman was standing in front of her. Her eyes were emerald, her hair was silver, her skin was pale and her lips were coral. She was skinny, but beautiful indeed. Her body was wrapped with blood red cloak. The Princess was going to shriek, but she had lost her voice due to crying.

The woman smiled gently. “There, there, young lady, what makes you sad?”

The Princess was surprised to find herself answering obediently, “I want to be a man.”

The woman chuckled, and she took a few steps toward the Princess. She reached her hand to the Princess’s face, and murmured, “Why? You are so beautiful, even when dressed miserably like this. Oh, dear princess, every woman envies you.”

“Father… Father wants a prince. Not a princess,” the Princess shivered – the enigmatic woman’s hand was so cold.

“That’s not true!” the woman shook her head, smiling pitifully, “Years has passed, my dear. Why don’t you try asking him again?”

The Princess stared at the ground, doubtful. But when she lifted her face again, the woman was already gone. But in her mind, there was no woman. She only remembered that she had to ask her father one crucial question. No one asked her to do so, she wanted to do it by her own will.

So she returned to the castle.

The next morning, when they had breakfast, the Princess stared at her father, hesitant of what to say. But then when she opened her mouth, one of the ministers barged in, and knelt before the King as he hurriedly half-screamed, “The neighboring kingdom is going to invade ours, Your Highness!”

“What?! Have they lost their mind?!” the King stood in anger.

“Th… They have destroyed our borders, Your Highness. Most of our soldiers have turned to them. Perhaps… Perhaps they think the neighboring kingdom would win.”

“How is that possible?” the King furiously threw his plate to pieces.

The minister glanced at the Princess, and he mumbled in fear, “Because this kingdom has no heir.”

The Princess was struck with fear. She turned her face to her father, who was so mad that he took a knife and threw it to her. The knife did not hit her, but it managed to leave a wide scratch on her right cheek. She shrieked, falling down to the floor as fear took control of her.

The King rushed outside, to his throne, trying to calm himself down. He had to find a way out of this. Then he hear a woman’s voice whispering into his ears, “My King, to conquer the world, you have to tame a monster.”

“Ah, yes! A monster. A monster would be able to devour those traitors and win this war for good,” the King nodded. He did not remember that there was a woman whispering to his ears. He thought he thought of the idea himself. But it did not matter now – the King only wanted a monster. He did not realize that the Princess was listening from behind the door. Now she knew what her father wanted. She watched her father walking to his room before she finally dared to speak.

“But how do I tame a monster?” she asked to herself. The woman from before appeared and whispered to her ears, “There’s no way you can tame a monster, darling.”

The Princess looked at the woman’s eyes, and the woman held her hands gently. She hissed, “Why don’t you become the monster?”

“How?” the Princess, driven by her obsession to fulfill her father’s wishes, had no longer cared of how ridiculous the woman’s suggestion was.

“It’s easy, honey. It’s easy,” the woman smiled to assure her, “Do you know what a monster is made of?”

The Princess shook her head.

“What are monsters made of? Blood and flesh, and desire.”

The woman chuckled yet again, then she added, “You have to shed some blood, my dear. Kill, tore their skin and rip their veins. Then to gain flesh, you have to eat. Let your teeth pound their hearts. As long as you have the desire to become a monster, dear, you shall become one.”

Then she disappeared, and the Princess’ mind was engulfed by desire. She did not remember anything about the woman. She only remembered that she must kill, and eat, all to become a monster. A monster that her father would be proud to own. So she took the sword from her bodyguard’s belt, slit his throat so that he could not scream, and killed him in a stab. Whenever someone else came, she did the same. Then she ripped their clothes, one by one, and cut their chests open.

She reached her hand into the ribcage and pulled a heart out. Then mercilessly she ate it. She repeated the process over and over again, over and over again. Over, and over again until she had lost her sanity.

When the day turned into night, the whole castle was stained in blood, and everyone was killed. The ones who were alive did not bother to save others, they fled while spreading the message: “There was a monster in the castle! Run for your life!”

Only the King himself, who had not met the Princess because he stayed in his room all day to polish his plans, did not know of what happened. None of his servants bothered to inform him, and those who tried to were killed.

Knock, knock. 

The King opened his chamber door, and he was annoyed because he thought he had told everyone not to bother him. But then what he saw scared his every bit, and he could not help but to scream. He was so shocked that he ran away.

“Father, wait, why did you run?! Father!”

“M-M-Monster!” the King screamed. Dread controlled him even more as he saw blood and corpses laid in every hallway.

“Yes, father, I have become a monster! I have fulfilled your wish. Are you proud of me now?”

“G-Go away! What are you talking about?! Go away! Please, don’t kill me!”

“Father?”

The King had collapsed.

“Oh, no, my dear,” suddenly the woman in blood red cloak appeared yet again, “Seems like now what your father wants is some rest.”

“Rest?”

“Yes, a rest for eternity,” the woman smiled, “Look at his wrinkles. He must be so… tired.”

“Then let’s just leave him be. Isn’t he asleep?”

The woman chuckled, “No, no, my dear. He needs an eternal rest. A rest that none can bother.”

“How do I help him? Oh father…”

“Easy, my dear,” the woman was still smiling, “Now that you have become a monster, you can just kiss him. Kiss him good night on his right cheek.”

The Princess obeyed, and she bowed to land a kiss to her father’s cheek. But as the smell of human flesh invaded her nostrils, she could not resist the temptation. Gluttony took over her, and she ripped the King to pieces. She greedily munched his body until blood soaked the carpet below them. She could not speak anymore when she realized what she had done, and all she could do was wailing.

“What a monster you’ve become, my dear. Now, why don’t you sleep for a while, until some unlucky peasants stumbled upon this place?”

The Princess turned to the woman, but suddenly all she saw was darkness.

“Good night, my dear. Sleep well.”

Just Like A Witch, I Have To Burn To Death

 

The sky was so dark, as the moon was hiding behind the gloomy clouds. The air was so tense, as if it wanted to emphasize the coldness of the night. As if it were not terrifying enough, I was here, tied together with my kinds.

Suddenly a bright light appeared out of nowhere. It was crimson in color, with golden and sunkist shades. It was a flame. A huge flame. I could see that some of my friends were already burning along the fire. They silently turn to dusts.

There were children running towards us, they laughed and cheered and smiled upon our sorrow. I had lost my hope ever since I was mutilated by those muscular men. Then these kids held us tight, as they moved their feet to the warm blaze.

I was pushed into the scarlet light. My dermis was crisp, my insides were eaten slowly by the gluttonous flame. Then all I could hear was those children singing along the cracking sound of ours,
“O bonfire! O bonfire!”

actus dei

This flash fiction is a contest submission for Kilat!, a competition hosted by the world-famous Ubud Writers and Readers Festival. You can find the story here. I decided to upload it here as well, after all the main objective of Scripta Vita is to compile my writings.

I am proud of this piece because despite of the fact that it didn't manage to win the competition, it has topped in the online polling on the website.

It was quite an achievement for me, an amateur writer who doesn't even have any name in the world of literature, to top the poll of an international-scale competition. This piece was also published in Kilatzine, a magazine that was circulated in the festival.

Enjoy the bite-size dish. At the end of the story I shall spill the meaning behind the story.

--------------------------------------

My heart was beating fast, racing with the clock as its wands constantly tick and tock. Chill was brought to my spine as both excitement and doubt crept into my nerves. I reached my hand toward the wooden handle.

Is this even right? I told myself. There would be no turning back after this, right?

The door creaked quietly as I pulled it back, taking a step by a step on the porcelain floor. My ears captured the sound of Gregorian chants, sung in harmony by soprano and contralto. I saw petals of roses scattered on the path I was walking in, washed in pink and white. It was beautiful indeed, but my heart still would not calm down.

Oh, God, it felt so surreal to me.

Another door, tightly closed, stood before me, but it did not take long for it to open wide. I walked in, hoping that my gestures were not showing how I really felt about this day. I wish I could run away.

A gulp ran through my throat.

I lifted my face, and there he was, awkwardly dressed in tuxedo, standing before the grand altar dusted in gold, beyond the path of burgundy rug. He was as divine as he could ever be, and when he turned his face to me, I was convinced that an angel possessed every little piece of him. Then a smile was carved under his nose, warmly reaching my stunned heart.

“Here comes the bride,” he mouthed silently, “Eve.”

There were only us in this very moment. I could not care less.

--------------------------------------

I was trying to depict an "illegal marriage" in this short piece. No, it is not eloping, slightly different. You see, in Indonesia, the term 'nikah siri' is very popular. It is a kind of marriage in which a couple is not bonded officially by court, but by the Moslem laws.

Here is a better definition given by Indonesia Matters:

A 'nikah siri' marriage (often called 'nikah dibawah tangan') entails an Islamic wedding performed by a Muslim 'cleric' not authorised by the Department of Religion to perform marriages, and is often regarded as valid within Islamic law provided that witnesses are present. 'Nikah siri' Namun sangat sering dilakukan cukup diam-diam dan tanpa kehadiran saksi. However very often 'nikah siri' is done fairly secretly and without the presence of witnesses.

I myself am not Moslem, but the theory of the marriage simply intrigue me. I was thinking, what if the same thing were being done by other religions? So I tried to depict one scene of this 'nikah siri'. However, since describing marriage in such a limited space was difficult, I had to go with the easiest and most recognizable set -- a church.

No, this piece had nothing to do with my beliefs or my faith. It is simply a fiction, a fruit of my imagination. I just love experimenting with new ideas, and I realized that it was worth the try. At least I did top the poll, right?

I cannot thank those who had voted and supported me through the competition enough. I am really grateful that I have them all in my life, whether I know them or not! A single vote meant a lot to me. More than you can imagine.

 organless

They were in the dark, hiding from us,
Wishing they could go back,
Wishing they could turn the time,
But it was too late for everyone,
No one saved them from the downfall,
No one stood there when they were snatched,
When their flesh was ripped and their jewels were stolen,
Now they are lifeless, heartless, organless,

(Can you hear me screaming?
   Can you hear me crying?
   Of course not, you made me sleep deeply,
   How could you do this, how could you not feel it?
   How it feels to wake up as a living dead.
  

They were waiting, waiting for you.
Ready to do the same thing,
Ready to make you pay for it,
No one will help you, no one will.
Just like how they were before in your lair,
Just like how they lay on your table,
When their flesh was ripped and their bones were broken,
Now they are lifeless, heartless, organless

Someone save me, give me my life back.
Give my insides back,
Or I shall take yours,
I’ll make you one of us.